


Kokoro no Kakera

by gribedli, Kirrtash



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Multi, Romance, Threesome - F/F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:26:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29432403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gribedli/pseuds/gribedli, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirrtash/pseuds/Kirrtash
Summary: She didn’t remember how she got there, only knew that it was warm, and soft. She hadn’t felt warmth since she was brought back to life. Where was she? What happened to her? The last thing she remembered was her reincarnation sitting on the ground next to that waterfall… She didn’t understand why Kagome  helped her, again.When a tired heart starts beating again, gravity itself has to rearrange to make space for it. But old wounds ask for closure before unspoken feelings can bloom, so all the pieces of shattered hearts can fit together.
Relationships: Higurashi Kagome/InuYasha/Kikyou
Comments: 21
Kudos: 16
Collections: Inuyasha Day of Love 2021





	Kokoro no Kakera

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: We don't own Inuyasha, or any of the characters from the manga and/or anime.
> 
> Dear all, I am very happy to present you our collaboration for Day of Love! This piece is very special to me, because it is not an artist-author collaboration I have experienced before, but a love project in the truest sense of the word. This fic wouldn't be the one it is today without the beautiful ideas of Kirrtash, and the long conversations of headcanons, character motivations and what-ifs made my days better, and also helped me becoming a better writer. Moreover, the amazing pieces she created for our fic makes it even more magical. 
> 
> Special thank you to [Fawn-eyed-girl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fawn_Eyed_Girl/pseuds/Fawn_Eyed_Girl) for the brainstorming sessions and the proofreading – Fawn, I wouldn't be writing if it weren't for you, and I am forever grateful for all the help I get from you – and to [Ruddcatha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruddcatha/pseuds/Ruddcatha) and [NeutronStarChild](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeutronStarChild/pseuds/NeutronStarChild) for their advice!

She didn’t remember how she got there; she only knew that it was cold. Colder than usual. Her fragile, brittle body was dissolving in the icy water and miasma. She accepted her fate, and waited for her second life—the one she did not ask for, the one that was forced on her—to end. She thought back of the end of her other life, so far in the past, like it wasn’t even hers… The anger she felt after she was betrayed, the vengeance that held this mock of flesh and blood—her body—together, roared up in her one last time, and she was ready to let it all go. Knowing that her soul would seek out justice, she welcomed the chance of finally resting.

Then she felt it.

_ Warmth. _

At first, it was hesitant and unsteady, but it was slowly wrapping around her, starting to fill in the cracks of her body, the cracks of her heart and soul. It permeated her inside and out, constricting her unbeating heart, a tentative pulse travelling through her undead body. She didn’t dare to open her eyes; she just gave herself over to the feeling, the energy percolating through her, healing her wounds, before everything went black.

When Kikyou woke up, she was lying on her back, wet and cold, but she felt an unexplainable warmth deep inside her. As she looked to her left, she noticed she was not alone. The girl who possessed her soul was laying next to her, her weird, futuristic, wet clothes clinging to her body, her hair sprawling behind her. She was sleeping, it seemed, and Kikyou stood up to leave. She didn’t want to talk to her, and she didn’t know what to feel about not dying again. The warmth she felt— Kagome’s, she realised—stayed with her like a trustworthy companion, and grew stronger and stronger as she stood next to the waterfall. She felt weird: her skin tingling, her chest heaving—it was almost like she was really alive. 

But that would be ridiculous, wouldn’t it?

As she turned away to leave the unconscious girl alone, she heard Kagome stirring. Her lips moved against her wishes, but she had to know.

“Why did you save me?”

She had a choice. Kikyou did not understand how Kagome could save her willingly when Kikyou was all but nice to her all this time. This would have been the perfect opportunity to leave Kikyou to her demise, and for Kagome to get rid of the obstacle between her and the hanyou. An obstacle Kikyou was no longer, but she knew that Kagome still believed it. The girl surely believed it when they were stuck in the cave together. And she kept on believing it—the hanyou’s grumpiness when Kikyou asked him to meet for strategizing was a clear indicator. Kikyou, however, saw how Inuyasha had been looking at Kagome. She knew that his heart belonged to her reincarnation. 

“It hardly boils down to a matter of choice. If there is a person right there who I can save, and I am told she can only be saved by me, of course I choose to save her!”

So Kagome would help  _ anybody _ . Kikyou thought for a second that Kagome saved her for herself. Kikyou was not prepared for the disappointment that bloomed in her chest after those words. 

“I won’t thank you then,” she said, before everything turned black again.

Kikyou collapsed to the ground.

* * *

When Inuyasha finally sensed the barrier dropping and his nose picked up Kagome’s scent again, he did not expect the scene that he arrived on. Kagome was wet and shivering, hunching over someone dressed in miko robes. He dared closer and closer, only to realise that it was Kikyou. Or someone looking like her. How did he miss her smell? That strange mixture of earth, smoke and decay that he was able to pick up on from far away? Where were her shinidamachu? Was she another puppet sent by Naraku to trick them? He had to warn Kagome. But then she turned her face towards him, contorted with pain. 

His heart ripped apart.

When she asked him to do something, to save the woman in her arms, he couldn’t deny her. Her beautiful face—which he loved so much for so long in secret, which gave him comfort, encouragement, acceptance, so how could he find in himself to deny her?—shone with tears, pleading with him to help her. So he had to. 

He pushed his concerns away.

He thought that maybe those weird healers in Kagome’s time could help this enigma of a woman, who looked like Kikyou, but smelled nothing like her. So he took her in his arms, and with Kagome on his back, he started running towards the village—towards the well—to bring her to five hundred years in the future. 

[ ](https://gribedlihelp.tumblr.com/post/643110443815206913)

Artwork by [Kirrtash](https://kirrtash.tumblr.com/)

* * *

Kagome held her hands on Kikyou’s chest, channeling her energy, to keep her warm, to keep her alive. Now, in the frenzied rush towards the well, he had a chance to really look at her, studying her features. She looked so calm, so serene, not like she had in the past few years while they were looking for the jewel shards. He might have never seen her like this, not even  _ before _ . 

And, if he was honest with himself, she did smell familiar… Not like he was used to her, like death and revenge, but like the girl he got to know so long ago in the past. 

Could that be true? Could she be the woman he thought he loved, and not just the clay imitation of her? It seemed impossible. He cast the thought away. It didn’t matter. He had Kagome now, who, although it took him so long to realise, was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He felt more and more certain that he was born for this strange woman from another time, who gave him so much without asking anything back. She gave him friends, acceptance, care, love… He felt that he didn't deserve them, but for her, he was willing to do anything.

He was so immersed in his thoughts that he hardly noticed when they arrived at the well. Making sure that the woman in his arms and the one on his back were secured, he jumped. The well glowed with a brilliant blue light, and when they landed in the future, he jumped out of the well. Kagome immediately leapt off of his back, running back to the house to get her Mama to help them, and Inuyasha followed her. 

Once inside the shrine house, he went to Kagome’s room and put Kikyou in Kagome’s bed. Mama Higurasi was already there, waiting to examine the miko. 

“She has a fever. Kagome, bring me the thermometer please!”

How was that possible? Since she was bought back from the dead, her body was cold like the soil she was remade from. Like her heart. Inuyasha remembered, when he held her close, when he kissed her, her lips were cold and dry, her body’s touch like a frozen winter night. This woman, though, lying in Kagome’s bed, was warm. She smelled like rain hitting the soil, earthy and fresh. Her cheeks were pink, nothing like the alabaster of her undead body. 

“You kids should go to the kitchen and have something to eat. I will take care of this girl, okay?”

“Thank you, mama, we will,” Kagome said while taking Inuyasha’s hands and leading him downstairs to the kitchen. Once they were sitting down, all his doubts started bubbling up in him.

“Kagome, are you sure that she is Kikyou? She is… not like her usual self.”

“She is not, right? Are you worried that she is a puppet of Naraku?” 

He could only nod. She always seemed to know what is on his mind. During the three years of their travels she learned how to read him, and she knew what was good for him, better than himself. She saved him many times, from running his mouth where he shouldn’t, from grave danger, but most importantly, from himself. 

“It’s her, though. Her shikigami led me to the waterfall, and she was there, in the water. She had her wounds from Naraku, and everything was tainted by miasma. She was dying, Inuyasha! I mean… I know, she is already dead, but I had to save her! I just had to. And when I concentrated my power to heal her wounds, I felt what she felt. I saw her on the day when she sealed you to the tree. She was so devastated, Inuyasha! She felt so much pain! But.. We saved her, and now she is here. And she  _ is _ different, yes… But I just hope she survives. I don’t want her to die!”

When Kagome started crying, he couldn’t help it; he had to comfort her, embrace her, and try to calm her down. She buried her face in his chest, soaking his fire-rat robe while his hands caressed her back, trying to tell her all the  _ love _ he felt for her. He would never tell her; he thought he didn’t deserve her. How could he? But he could  _ show _ her through affection, and protection, and comfort, despite the fact that he had decided that he would never act upon his feelings. So he buried his nose in her hair, and hugged her closer to him in a warm embrace.

Kagome had different ideas.

As her crying calmed down, she nuzzled his neck, drawing him even closer, impossibly so. “I was so afraid,” she whispered, and looked deep into his eyes. 

Inuyasha didn’t remember who moved first; he only knew that kissing her was better than he could have ever imagined. Her face was wet from her tears, but her lips burning hot, and soft, and on his. Her scent—warm, and spicy, and oh so inviting—enveloped him, her taste on his tongue making him want to never stop. They moved against each other in sync, dancing to their own song of love, its rhythm beating in their hearts. 

* * *

She didn’t remember how she got there, only knew that it was warm, and soft. She hadn’t felt warmth since she was brought back to life. Where was she? What happened to her? The last thing she remembered was her reincarnation sitting on the ground next to that waterfall… She didn’t understand why Kagome helped her, again. Like when they were stuck in the miko-eating cave. The compassion she held—it made Kikyou angry. It made her confused. It was foreign to her, the need to help someone who openly acted against her more than once. Ever since Urasue had brought her back against her will, all Kikyou could feel was anger. Vengeance. That is what fueled her. That is what kept her going. 

She was not prepared to have to deal with something else on top of that.

Or maybe  _ instead _ . Kikyou did not know how she felt anymore. She only knew that she was impure. Her newfound existence was based on devouring the souls of innocents. Her whole life was based on sins. She did not deserve kindness, compassion, or help. All she could offer was cruelty. Coldness. Indifference.

Kagome, though... She was radiating with all the things that Kikyou was incapable of. Incandescent with a light coming from inside, warming everybody around her. Warming her, her clay body that always felt so cold. Oh, what she would give to feel that warmth just a little more…

But… She  _ did _ feel warm now. That was even more confusing than her conflicting thoughts about her reincarnation. Kikyou slowly opened her eyes, just to see walls around her the colour of a winter dawn. She noticed that she was laying on something tall, and soft, softer than any futon she remembered from when she was still a living woman. 

She slowly turned her head, only to see Kagome’s face. She was sitting in the middle of the room, her soft brown eyes fixed on her. When Kagome noticed that she was awake, she smiled. 

“Hello, Kikyou. How do you feel?”

Kikyou had to think about it. How  _ did _ she feel? Something was definitely unusual. It almost felt like she had a beating heart. Nonsense.

“Warm.”

“That’s good. You had a fever, and we had to bring it down.”

Fever? How was that possible? Her clay body did not catch sickness. It could fracture crumble, break, but fever? 

Kikyou’s laugh was incredulous.

“Where am I?” she asked after a while, and watched that brilliant smile melting off of Kagome’s face. Was she afraid of answering?

“Kikyou, you know that I am your reincarnation, right?” To her nod, Kagome went on. “Well, I was not born while you were resting in your grave. I was born much much later. 500 years in the future. And now you are in my family’s house. In the future.”

Kagome had to be lying. How would that have been possible? The Shikon no Tama was powerful, but travelling through time? Perhaps it turned out that Kagome was not as kind as she seemed to be. She must have been telling Kikyou a sick joke just to get back to her for all the cruelty Kagome had to endure from her. That strange feeling of disappointment, the one she had felt when she realised that Kagome would have saved  _ anyone _ , returned. Kikyou deserved it, though. How many times did Kikyou try to hurt Kagome ? To cause her trouble, pain, anguish, just because she was in the way of Kikyou’s plans? This little joke was nothing compared to the pain she caused. She could deal with Kagome’s cruelty.

It was fair. She deserved it.

“You don’t have to lie to me. I understand. Just tell me where I am, and where my shinidamachu are and…”

Ice-cold panic seeped through her veins as she finally did look around her. Everything was—different. Contraptions she had never seen were scattered through the room. Strange objects lay everywhere. But the most unnerving thing was the lack of shinidamachu around her. Her loyal companions missing, the ones whose soft glow soothed her soul, their reliable work sustained her life. And they were nowhere to be seen. 

She would die again. She had to find them.

“Kikyou, please stay in bed! You are not strong enough to get up yet. Please, we just want the best for you!”

“We?” She lay back, abandoning the idea of rummaging through the place for an escape route.

“Inuyasha is here too. He is downstairs with my mother.”

“Oh.”

Kagome talked about Inuyasha being with her family like it was the most natural thing in the world. It made her heart ache, but also, she felt a sliver of happiness: he had found a family. People who cared about him. Kikyou remembered the immense loneliness they had shared when she was still alive. At least it seemed he was surrounded now with love and care. All because of Kagome. All because of this girl with the sunny smile and the strong will, ready to make everyone’s life better.

“How long have I been here?” Could that feeling in her body really mean what she suspected? Was it possible that she was alive again,  _ really _ alive, not that mock of existence she was forced into all those years ago? And if yes… What did that mean for her future?

“Four days. You had a high fever, and it didn’t want to break. Mama did everything for you to get better. She is downstairs with Inuyasha now, and she sent a little soup for you. Do you want me to call her up and you can talk with her? Inuyasha and I have to go back now to the past.” Kikyo looked at her with fear in her eyes, so Kagome added: “Don’t worry, I’ll be back again soon. Maybe a few days, or a few weeks. I am not leaving you here alone. Mama will take care of you, but you are still too weak to come back. Please, trust me on this.”

She had no choice, really, right? She had no idea about the method they used to travel in time— _ if _ Kagome was telling her the truth. And she was still so tired; every bone in her body felt heavy, and all she could think of was some more sleep. All that happened in the past few days, all the consequences it held, had to wait to be pondered on. She accepted the soup, said goodbye to her reincarnation, then nested herself back into the strange but comfortable futon she was lying in, returning to the land of dreams. 

* * *

The sun was dipping down the horizon, its last rays lazily painting the spring sky red when Kikyou woke up. Curiosity made her get out of the bed, and she was glad to find herself in a sleeping yukata. At least she had something familiar to hold onto in this strange situation. Leaving the room, she marveled at the steps  _ inside _ the house, and at the even stranger room she descended to. She found a woman there, preparing food. 

Those eyes landing on her, warm and seemingly always smiling, were so familiar. The older woman was clearly preparing dinner: that much she recognised. Everything else was alien. Panic rose in her chest, making breathing harder, and the woman—could she be the “Mama” Kagome was talking about?—came over to her to the door to help her. 

“I see you woke up, child. It was time; you were out for a few days. Do you care to help me?”

She was so soft, so kind, that Kikyou couldn’t prevent the calm that slowly replaced the paralysing feeling that gnawed at her moments before. She hardly remembered her own mother. But she thought she must have been like this woman: caring and smiling with an all-knowing glint in her eyes.

“Why are you helping me?” She knew that her question was blunt and ungrateful, but the cold in her heart still lingered. She wanted to hug this woman, to cry in her lap, to feel like a child in her own mother’s embrace, but she was not able to move, to let her feelings, so deep and so suppressed, be shown. 

“Well, you are a friend of my daughter. And I trust Kagome in choosing her friends. She brought you here with Inuyasha four days ago, and you were barely alive. You had a fever, and you were unconscious. Kagome was crying for you, and she hardly left your bedside. And it broke my heart seeing my daughter so sad, and seeing an innocent woman so sick. It was not even a question, dear.”

Kikyou scoffed internally. Innocent. If only this woman knew the sins that Kikyou had committed against so many, and against her own daughter. So this was where Kagome’s unconditional compassion must have come from.

“Why don’t we find you something else to wear for you, and then you can help me in the kitchen? I am afraid your miko garb is not up for wearing anymore, dear,” smiled Mama at her.

Kikyou nodded, unsure, but followed the woman. She gave Kikyou a warm and soft, but unusually tight, hakama, and a strange kimono, that caressed her skin and wrapped her into a warm cocoon, which felt like a hug. They went back to the kitchen to finish preparing the dinner. Kikyou was glad she got to peel and chop vegetables, because she desperately wanted to feel useful agan. Mama was encouraging her, and didn’t make a fuss about her initial clumsiness. It had been so long since she felt hunger, since she got to be domestic, since she had someone to prepare meals for. It felt good. 

Spending time in the kitchen with the older woman made one thing clear to Kikyou: Kagome wasn’t lying. Kikyou really was in another time. Mama showed her what a stove was, and how to use it; she also showed Kikyou something that was called a ‘fridge’ and kept winter in a box. She didn’t understand any of it, but she never once was reprimanded for her lack of knowledge. When the meal was finished, and she was invited to sit there with someone called Grandpa and a boy named Sota, her heart swelled with the feeling of acceptance. They treated her as part of their family. She was not sure she deserved it.

Those ice-cold restraints she learned to live by melted in her from Mama’s words and kind actions. She made her feel safe and protected, and Kikyou thought that finally, she could heal, body and soul. Her heart was already back to pumping blood through her veins, carrying  _ life _ through her body, making her feel hungry, tired, and flushed. She understood now: slowly, but surely, her life was changing. Maybe coming here to this strange time wasn’t that bad of an idea. 

Sleeping after all this was not even an option. She got up after hours of tossing and turning, and as silently as she could, she snuck out of the house. The Goshinboku stood tall and proud in the moonlight, reminding her of a past life that she wasn’t even sure was hers to begin with. That life was dedicated to serve others. But maybe now...she could live a life for herself.

Standing on the top of the stairs leading to the Higurashi shrine, she felt finally free. Like an ordinary woman. The wind caught up in her hair, caressing her face, bringing the scent of the spring flowers with it: camouflage to the strange smells coming from the city sleeping under her, waiting for the day to start, to be busy with people rowing their never-ending circles to live a life that was entirely foreign to her. This strange time, this brand new way of living was so curious, so frightening, but already had given her so much: a life. A beating heart. A chance. To live like she always wanted. She was far from youkai, from her endless responsibilities, from the jewel… She could allow herself to be a woman, to be vulnerable. At least for now.

Yet, Kikyou couldn’t help but hope that the new day brought a new life with it. 


End file.
